Humboldt County News Roundup

Looks like they captured Anthony Flores, the driver of that silver Mustang who caused that horrible accident a few days ago. Let us all hope that he is repeatedly raped for many, many years as he rots away in a jail cell for his crimes. Glad that douchebag is off the streets.

Now that the Evergreen Pulp Mill is shutting down, can Humboldt County residents expect an increase in quality of life and general cardiovascular health? It sure will be nice to go outside and not have to smell the horrible stench of paper pulp every day. We're betting the view from the Bayview Motel perched above Broadway is going to be much nicer without the steaming stacks of noxious pollutants billowing away in the distance.

Economic downturn? The new Great Depression? Maybe in the rest of the country, but here in Humboldt County we really don't think it's going to mean much. Why? Because we are nearly positive that at least half of those living behind the Redwood Curtain won't even notice because they either grow marijuana themselves, or they work for someone who grows marijuana. If you have a pair of blue Wiss scissors, you won't be out of work any time soon. The stock markets might be crashing and home prices have plummeted, but that gold mine in the attic will keep you warm until the next federal raids (so long as it doesn't go up in flames).